I hold my hands up, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Truth be told, I’ve had this post half-written for over a week, but to finalise and publish it would be to make the prospect of redundancy somehow ‘real’.
I’ve made more than 20 posts on this blog in the last five months, but I’ve never really revealed myself. It’s been a conscious decision as I balance my work/online-social lifestyle. I felt that my slightly-obsessive interest in games might somehow obscure how people perceive me in the workplace. That the ‘Rendermonkee’ pseudonym might somehow tarnish my professionalism in the workplace if I was ‘discovered’.
If the last couple of weeks has taught me one thing, it is that I should care a lot less about other people. In the past seven days, myself and my team of three incredible artists are facing redundancy for reasons that I don’t understand but will accept, and are now working notice periods. It’s a strange situation to be in. I’ve remained positive but as I walk around the office, everyone around us looks sad-as-f**k. I’ve never quite experienced anything like it.
I’m incredibly confident in each of my talented artists to the point where I don’t even feel the need to ‘wish them luck’ as they search for alternative employment. They have each found their own unique strength and are in the fortunate position of creating laser-focused portfolios of work.
On a personal level, I’ve been doing what I’m doing for 17 years, I’m now 39 and find myself at a crossroads. I could head in the direction marked ‘safe… probably’, pursuing a career of creative leadership, and working with another team in reaching their goals. I could head back to safety, retreading my steps in the area of artworking, animation or motion design. I could follow the ‘unmarked path’; setting up my own self-contained creative business. Intimidating… but exciting.
But then there’s the final option, and I’ve no idea where it might lead; follow the ‘rogue’ path I began walking down only a few months ago, and triple-down on it. Without doubt, writing has piqued my interest (despite the recent lapse). I enjoyed every second writing about the trials and tribulations I faced during Dark Souls III, and am seriously thinking about doing it all again with FromSoftware‘s latest, Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice released this Friday! (In fact, I put my pre-order in this evening).
At this stage, I’ve no idea what the future holds. But I’m in no rush. After 17 years I’m happy to sit back and watch as each of my work-mates land incredible jobs, and wonder why they didn’t jump ship years ago. The last week or two has been stressful and emotional, but as always, my nonchalant ‘brave-face’ default setting has held strong.
Watch this space I guess.